writing instead of posting images..this is new. well forgetten more so than new. okay focus, it’s time to say some shit.
i’ve been at my boyfriends for a week now. this is a new thing for us as the longest i’ve ever stayed is one whole weekend on new years because we had shit to do all weekend. So he works during the day, i clean and look for work. He comes home, i make dinner while he plays video games. we haven’t fought. we haven’t needed time away. not to say that we are always together, he will play games and ill read and we will be apart.
but here’s the issue. this is the first time i’ve been in such a close space with someone i love in a long time and it goes without saying the last time with someone else wasn’t the best experiance. This is also the first time for him as well, cause well everything is his first. i couldn’t help but feel like i am invading space and i’ve felt that way since the very beginning, so i would scram pretty effectively to not impose. This stay is because of problems at my apartment involving my father. and had those problems not arisen i don’t know if this would have happened. which is complex to think of in itself. regardless of how or why i’ve ended up here, the most amazing thing in this situation is that i am not tired of him. i’m not missing my own bed. i am geniunely happy when he comes home from work. i enjoy the act of making food for him to eat.
what this means in the grand scheme of things is that in the truest of ways that i am ready for a grown up relationship. all the emotional boobie traps i’ve set for myself have somehow resolved themselves or been worked through. this is when the freeness of possibility is something to be enjoyed and not wrought with anxiety or fear. not to say things are perfect, fuck dude we are still human and i’m still me. but living in the space that i can admit that i’m fully commited and devoted is something i don’t take lightly. and am quite excited about.
that is all.
high for this // the weeknd
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Tested and fucking approved
The Great Gatsby | Trailer*
*featuring Jay-Z, Kanye West and Jack White
The best music videos come with a warning. Check out Kanye’s new video for ‘Lost In The World’ directed by filmmaker Ruth Hogben.
Lawd….